Desiring God ...

Seeing Double

2007-07-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Not going to post here for now. Site's at "blog.findingjoyhere.com"

Just Go

2007-06-19T04:28:00.000-07:00

It's a bit overcast outside this morning, but I feel as if a great weight has passed. And as I read, Paul's encouragement rings in the verses I read:

25"Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. 26Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. 27For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 28Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers.[a] Be shepherds of the church of God,[b] which he bought with his own blood. 29I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. 31So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.

32"Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 33I have not coveted anyone's silver or gold or clothing. 34You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. 35In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' "
Acts 20:25-35

I can just hear his voice and passion shining through the passage. His exhortation is in desperate times, but for the gospel, he never considers himself in a desperate situation.

. You be lifted high.

Everlasting God

2007-06-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

Everlasting God ... that is all I can remember from Sunday morning. I can't find the lyrics of the song, but these are the only words that I can remember. These are the words as I walked to work this morning, staring into the sky, taking the moment to marvel at what He so beautifully painted before me.

But not everything translates for some reason. I can feel and I can see the goodness of God around me, yet I am still fearful of certain things. I know Abba Father will be there to lift me up and see me through, but yet these heavy and deep thoughts flood through as a mighty wave breaches the towns gate.

I was sitting there jamming tonight, since I finally have my guitar back, and singing From the Inside Out, over and over again. I can't though, I can't without a heavy heart, I can't without something deep inside wrenching. Right now there is such a mix and turmoil of emotions and thoughts inside me that I shouldn't even be blogging.

I don't like this; I don't like not having peace. It was progressing so nicely, so orderly, why all of a sudden these floods of thoughts that I cannot get rid of. I had given everything that I held in my hand to Him, I had even put a stake there, why am I so troubled now.

I know there's His will, but certain things have me so weighed down I cannot differentiate anything at all. I suppose He is enough, His grace is enough, I've experienced it and I've even exhorted others with it.

Now in the midst of whatever this is, I am desperately holding onto that.
Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for all He is to me, and all that He has done for me; I guess now, just too many things hitting me at once, even though I really have no right to let out even a peep.

... everlasting God.

The Thorn

2007-06-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses ... in hardships .. in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am Strong.
2 Cor 12:8-10

I've been reading a lot and reflecting a lot the last couple of days. There have been many thoughts, some thoughts that date back as far as CC and others that are newly being brought forth.

The verse above hits home now, because now that things have settled down, God is choosing to show more of who am I to me. Yes, I usually readily admit my weakness, but inwardly, I still have a tendency to judge in certain situations. When theology rubs me the wrong way, when I see a church falling apart. I used to think that it was purely a righteous anger, but lately I'm not so sure anymore. It seems everything that I have been taught and have experienced warrants that the wrath of God go out to those who are destroying His church (many times, unknowingly), and yet, that is the same wrath of God that I escape because of the cross.

We have always talked about the need for a paradigm shift as Christians to embrace weakness, to be more transparent; and the list goes on. Some have succeeded, others find it a really hard pill to swallow. The truth is, facing yourself and your weaknesses is a painful process. Seeing the ugliness inside, the inability to love, the impatience, it is somewhat discouraging, but it keeps us humble.

And it is here that I have to interject about leadership, about keeping it all together. We as Chinese are cliche to keep everything together to "save face" as it were. It's been handed down to us from our families ever since the sun started shining. It's difficult for us, especially in the Chinese church to openly admit that anything is wrong; a pastor's family is expected to be all nice and neat, if there are any messes, it is encouraged that they get cleaned up in private.

Even having sat on some leadership circles, I can see this. There might be a flat out opinion that is offered in reaction to a decision that has to be made, but never is there any effort to go beyond that, or rarely does the person even offer up a hint of what is going on. And as leadership goes, those that follow them go. There is a loss of genuinity and transparency. People walk around with layers of onion on them, reluctant to share with even those closest around them.

And so we have strong, headstrung leaders who are sharp as an arrow when it comes to competency, fully and well-versed in scripture and theology..and the list goes on.

For those of you that know I am looking for a church, I have promised myself one thing that I will fight to do. I will not go in with any assumptions, any attempt to evaluate the effectiveness in terms of leadership, or decide whether or not they are doing things "right" and how I like them. Instead, I will go in with an open mind, and see where God wants me to go.

I'm tired of going places with high expectations that, in reflection, are many times self-serving, and missing out what God wants. It is very interesting this place I find myself in. I am usually vulnerable to those I trust. But I find myself vulnerable in a place that I don't feel comfortable in. Which is perhaps, what God wants for the moment.

Like that thorn (although in a much deeper way) kept Paul on His knees and needing God to fully satisfy Him and make him strong, I find that is the place that I come to. And as uncomfortable as it feels, yet paradoxically I feel that I must embrace this, whatever it is.

I shared this with a friend sometime ago, and I realized I just read it again, in a different book today. But it bears repeating, especially with what I find myself pondering again:

I asked God for strength that I might achieve,
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power when I was young that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need for God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for,
But everything I hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all people, most richly blessed.
Prayer of an Unknown Confederate Soldier

All things, all things

Hope you'll be blessed.

Find Me In the River

2007-06-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

When God asks you to drop something, He expects you will work to not pick it up again, that in your trust you will leave it at His feet. Sometimes, just sometimes, if you pick it up again, it becomes all the more harder to give up, and perhaps out of His grace and mercy He will choose to snatch it away from you; all part and parcel of His will.

So, today is one of those days that I felt the snatching; not that I didn't know it was coming, I knew it. I just denied it. And it's so hard to give it up now that He, in his grace and mercy has taken it away. Or at least, He has helped me.

After work today, I wanted to go for a walk. And then I got the silly idea to go to the lake and ponder. You have to understand, the lake here, and the lake in Kingston are two different matters entirely. Albeit it was a nice day, so I walked down Erin Mills Pkway and just kept on walking, and walking, and walking.

I walked until I hit the Petro Canada plant, and then the lake. Stopped there, and just sat. I swear I would've yelled, I kinda did, but I didn't want people to come running to my rescue and then get all embarrassed explaining that nothing was wrong. And that was it. I put it down again, and I know it won't be the last of the battle, but I nailed a stake into the ground at the end there. And those of you with whom I've shared the stakes I've put down know they don't fade from memory easily.

I've realized I'm weak; I've realized I need Him as much as my last entry said. I've realized that I am nothing without Him. I've realized that I've been spinning around in circles, and now is a good time to stop.

I don't understand; yet I do.

As I walked back, I pondered even more; crying out and giving everything to Him. Whether He has to snatch it, or whether I lay at His feet willingly.

Echoing loudly as I watched the sun set by the highway were the words:

Find me in the River
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please
We've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And worn our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the River
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone
And I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the River
I'm waiting here

All things, all things work for the good of those who love Him.
Here's holding onto that thread of truth...

All I Need

2007-06-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

You are the source of the life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of you

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow you

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

I feel like I'm the last of everyone who should be singing this song.
I feel like there's those out there who have more pain than me, and I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg.
Yet, I feel like I need Jesus to be my all, as much as it appears I still have everything.

There's something about having gotten used to so many things and not knowing what true pain is because I have simply been blessed so much.
And so when the slightest thing is taken away, it feels painful; and yet there are others that have more a right to feel it than me.

It's a scary prayer to ask God to shake your world upside down for the kingdom.
So scary that when He does it you wish you hadn't prayed that way.
And yet, He's all I need, and could ever want.

So confused now.

Be Still My Soul

2007-06-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Taste and See

2007-05-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34:8

God is good. All the time. Yet it is not always apparent, and at times really difficult to see. Other times, like now, in the form of people who God blesses you through, just being able to be there and 'play' and enjoy everything that God meant for community. It is truly a taste of the Lord's goodness, and a great reminder that He is indeed good beyond description.

There is a great amount of overwhelming joy that I am experiencing now. It is appropriate I guess, that before I step out into the new phase of where God wants me that I am once again reminded of who He is at the core, that He is good. And that whatever has happened to me in the past or in the future, He has allowed and lead for the good of me. The good of my relationship with Him.

So, perhaps there are still many questions that are left unanswered, but here in the now, it is simply awesome to dwell in the goodness of God.

For you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me.
For you are good, for you are good, for you are good to me.

As much as I try to describe it though, it will never bring justice to what I am experiencing right now, and perhaps it is wisest just to leave it as such: an experience of God's goodness.

Freeze-Frame

2007-05-24T19:54:00.001-07:00

You know when a photograph is taken, and the photographer poises his/her camera to get the best angle, best view, to communicate everything he wants in the shot? And then when everything is composed as per the photographer's desires, the shot is taken.

This is how life feels like right now. I am in awe of the literal freeze-frame that I find myself in. Rejoicing and taking full comfort in God's goodness. Reflecting on that which He has allowed me to experience and learn. Everything feels peaceful and like it 'should be.' Like that line in the song Blessed Be Your Name, "When the world is all it should be ..." Not everything at the outset is right and all it should be, but everything inside sure is.

It's a feeling that is difficult to describe, and can only be attributed to God's grace and ultimate sovereignty. Such is the oxymoron of types, "delight of despair." For further reading look up the Utmost (05.24.07) yourself.

Rise to the Occasion...

2007-05-15T19:17:00.000-07:00

God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly—"By my God I can leap over a wall" ( Psalm 18:29 ). God will never shield you from the requirements of being His son or daughter. First Peter 4:12 says, "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you . . . ." Rise to the occasion—do what the trial demands of you. It does not matter how much it hurts as long as it gives God the opportunity to manifest the life of Jesus in your body.

May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us what He wants. Once we realize this, He will make us broken bread and poured-out wine with which to feed and nourish others.
Utmost 05.15.07

God is the master designer. He is the one that calls the shots, the one who has designed me to be who I am and the one who has ordained every chance meeting with those He has put around me. Rise to the occasion. It is difficult, but it is what is necessary for me. Though there are uncertainties, He is gracious, All things work for the good of those who love Him (Rom 828). He promised. He has spoken. What I have to let go to experience Him unfettered... it is all worth it, for what He is going to show me, what He is going to do in me.

It is a step of faith. Knowing that what I give up will be more than made up for, in ways that I cannot imagine nor even begin to devise. It is a leap off a cliff. Well, knowing perhaps more than I need to, here I come ...

Toogood Pond

2007-05-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today was the day. It's been awhile since I've been able to let loose, and throw a bit of caution to the wind. I met up with a few people whom God has placed in my life. But that wasn't it. Being able to drive with the window down and the music blaring, feeling the intense sunshine; it all reminded me of how blessed I was, and how much God was taking care of me. Hearing that verse again especially brought comfort to me. To know that it wasn't just in my head that was making up all these things, but that He was really speaking to me. That was precious.

Aside from visiting people and catching up, I did something that I usually never do. As I was driving through Markham, with a little less than fourty-five minutes til my next meetup, I felt the urge to stop at a park and just walk about with my contemplative self. Lots had become more clear to me, and I was comfortable with at least a few more things laid at His feet.

I parked my car, and went to Toogood Pond, where people were just strolling about, taking in the warmth and the gentle breeze. I started on the path, and just continued walking, with no real plan in direction, no real ultimate destination, I just walked. It felt somewhat liberating to just be able to go wherever I pleased, with just me whispering to myself, oblivious of the bicyclists and strollers alongside me.

It was just me and my God. I issued words of confession, I asked for strength, wisdom, forgiveness, help. I praised Him for who He was to me, and all He had done in my life and all that He allowed me to experience. I kind of lost track of time and direction, after taking endless bridges and endless paths. I was a little worried that I wouldn't get back to my original starting point, and maybe I would have to send someone to come in and find me. But for the moment, it was just me and God. Lost in the paths, with no clear direction of where to go next, but just keeping on walking.

I paused to think, and it hit me that this was what life was like now. Even driving back tonight in the dark, it hit me again. I remember driving that semi-dirt road (Hwy 7) time and again in the fog last year, and recalling that it was somewhat like my faith journey, where I didn't know where the outcome was. Again, today, I was reminded that I don't know the outcome, and yet, I still continue to barrel at 100 or so knowing that my steps are guided.

Even there in the middle of the well-traveled pathways of Toogood Pond, it struck me how it almost seemed as if I had followed a path in my life of late just like that. I had taken various twists and turns and found myself here, wherever here really was. And yet, it was okay. I looked up and the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the birds were chirping, and yet I was still here.

Delight. Delight in the Lord, delight in the things of God, delight in the things God is doing, delight in the things God is doing in me, my character, my life. Delight in the way that He is stretching me in spite of the pain that it is causing me, delight in the fact He knows the entire plan, but I don't. Delight that He knows the best for me. Delight yourself in the Lord. Trust, Delight, Commit . I've been learning to trust Him, to really trust Him. But today was a reminder of delighting. Delighting in that which He has placed before me, no matter what it is. Now all that is left to commit these things into his sovereign hands.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this ...
Psalm 37:3-5

Focusss

2007-05-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

42They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:42-47

It's easy to forget why we are here in the first place, and to totally forget the our calling, and what lasts for an eternity, while getting bogged down in those things that do matter, but matter but for here, and for awhile.

Intercession

2007-05-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

Vicarious intercession means that we deliberately substitute God’s interests in others for our natural sympathy with them. - Utmost 05.04

Seems so logical, and yet it seems I get it messed up so often. Feelings are important, but apparently they're not more important than God's interests. Go figure.

Desires of Our Hearts

2007-05-02T17:03:00.000-07:00

The moment that we lead ourselves to believe that there is some amount of control in our lives, God loves to remind us that He is in control. He leads us onto some unknown path where we have to struggle in faith, believing that He has the best in mind for us. We look back and wonder if we have done anything wrong to get us into the position we find ourselves in now. But yet, in asking God whether our desires align with His, we are comforted that He is in control, and as long as we are following Him, it is the best for us.

I am finding more and more that knowing the desires of His heart and separating it from our own desires is very tricky, especially if they seem to align at first glance. But He promises us that if we delight ourselves in Him, we will have the desires of our heart. So God, may my desires be your desires as I enter this new chapter in my life.

3Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:

6He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Psalm 37:3-6

Last Engineering Exam

2007-04-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

My last engineering exam is written. I wish that I could have gone out more with a bang, given that I actually like this subject. Alas, that is not to be, but it is in His hands. Never did I become demotivated; Instead, with the exceptions of a few distractions, I plowed ahead. May glory continue to be given to our Father for all things.

Ready

2007-04-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

Readiness for God means that we are ready to do the tiniest little thing or the great big thing, it makes no difference. We have no choice in what we want to do, whatever God's programme may be we are there, ready. When any duty presents itself we hear God's voice as Our Lord heard His Father's voice, and we are ready for it with all the alertness of our love for Him. Jesus Christ expects to do with us as His Father did with Him. He can put us where He likes, in pleasant duties or in mean duties, because the union is that of the Father and Himself. "That they may be one, even as We are one."
Utmost

Gosh, I like utmost.

Purpose

2007-04-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life seems like one big catch-22 ... but yet we find our purpose in God. Whew!

Faithful Father

2007-04-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful
- Brian Doerksen

Wine instead of Whine

2007-04-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

". . . the joy of the Lord is your strength" ( Nehemiah 8:10 ). Where do the saints get their joy? If we did not know some Christians well, we might think from just observing them that they have no burdens at all to bear. But we must lift the veil from our eyes. The fact that the peace, light, and joy of God is in them is proof that a burden is there as well. The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces the wine, but most of us see only the wine and not the burden. No power on earth or in hell can conquer the Spirit of God living within the human spirit; it creates an inner invincibility.

If your life is producing only a whine, instead of the wine, then ruthlessly kick it out. It is definitely a crime for a Christian to be weak in God’s strength.
Utmost - 04.13.07

He that is in me is Greater

2007-04-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

Co-Resurrection. The proof that I have experienced crucifixion with Jesus is that I have a definite likeness to Him. The Spirit of Jesus entering me rearranges my personal life before God. The resurrection of Jesus has given Him the authority to give the life of God to me, and the experiences of my life must now be built on the foundation of His life. I can have the resurrection life of Jesus here and now, and it will exhibit itself through holiness.
Utmost - 04.11.07

4You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them.
1 John 4:4-5

Rejoice

2007-04-10T06:45:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've seen the morning, the sunshine, and the newness of everything. It's cliche and warm and fuzzy, maybe, but it still rings true: God's mercies are new every morning. It's a wonder why the Psalmist chose the morning instead of the afternoon or evening, or midnight. The dew of the morning, the firstfruits that are our labour; the beginning.

As students, or for me anyway, I often skip this part (evidently supported by me skipping breakfast). There's something about the morning, and spending quiet time with the Father, that trumps even the feeling of sleeping in and being lazy. Something tells me we were designed this way, and that, it is a privilege to welcome every morning and dedicate the day to Him.

Of course, I'm by no means a morning person, so this is easier said than done =)

See the morning, see it rising
Over the mountains high
See the mercy in the mighty hand of God

Living Water come and fill us
Only You can satisfy
Turn our sorrow into singing
The song of life
- Chris Tomlin

Witty He is ...

2007-04-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

So I was reading and came upon something that usually doesn't strike me as being so stark, or even important. When Jesus was talking to the Pharisees and teachers of the law. Kind of makes me think twice about boasting in all the rhetoric and other theological know-how that I have managed to accomplish:

43"Woe to you Pharisees, because you love the most important seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces.

44"Woe to you, because you are like unmarked graves, which men walk over without knowing it."

45One of the experts in the law answered him, "Teacher, when you say these things, you insult us also."

46Jesus replied, "And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.

47"Woe to you, because you build tombs for the prophets, and it was your forefathers who killed them. 48So you testify that you approve of what your forefathers did; they killed the prophets, and you build their tombs. 49Because of this, God in his wisdom said, 'I will send them prophets and apostles, some of whom they will kill and others they will persecute.' 50Therefore this generation will be held responsible for the blood of all the prophets that has been shed since the beginning of the world, 51from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who was killed between the altar and the sanctuary. Yes, I tell you, this generation will be held responsible for it all.

52"Woe to you experts in the law, because you have taken away the key to knowledge. You yourselves have not entered, and you have hindered those who were entering." - Luke 10:43-52

Let us not live lives that are worthy of being insulted, nor invite it.

Don't Let Your Joy Be Robbed

2007-04-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

Frustration with ourselves is one way that I find that my joy gets robbed. It is without question that I am saved by Him and no longer have to live in sin, but yet, on those days, it seems that these things are all a world away.

"14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."- Romans 7:14-20

Clueless

2007-03-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

I have decided, that in light of God's sovereignty, to a degree it is beneficial for us to remain clueless. Looking around me, and observing people's lives, it is easy for me to say that one should not question why God does what He does, that God alone is God, and thus we really have no right to know or argue these things.

I've often felt uncomfortable with leaving it like that, whether it be Christians I am speaking with or non-Christians. Yet, in becoming a Christian there is a certain element of risk, and of course faith that is involved. To know every reason and everything that God is doing, to me, would somehow diminish his Godlike qualities.

After all, He is the God of the universe, and for me to debunk him piece by piece and question His moves from time to time, would mean a lack of faith in my God. If I could in fact know the reasons why He does what He does, I might as well be God.

Now that we have established that God is God, the second response is natural. Let God be God. We as control freaks and analyzers of situations no doubt often put God in a box, in our minds limiting His abilities and where he is "allowed" to work. No wonder God calls us out for our lack of faith. In this age of directing every action from our lofty positions, and seeing the result/or non-result of our directions, it seems we expect God to fall into this pattern also. If not, be directed, we expect at least that God would take a few minutes to explain Himself perhaps.

I think I've more or less laid the groundwork, and yes, there is in fact a point to all this. In trying to debunk God, and in demanding an explanation for His actions, we are in effect robbing ourselves of the joy that is found in Him, and that He has prepared for us to live our lives out fully. How easily it is to miss out on the here and now, when all we are is focussed on the 'logistics', if you will, of how God is working, versus, the very work that God is doing... the daily transformation of our lives.

So, it is tied back to our complete JOY in knowing Him. How simple it is sometimes, the love of a child before His father. Simple faith ... that is what we need ... to rediscover the innocence and joy that is not found in simply knowing a lot.

14 God said to Moses, "I am who I am . ^[a] This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' " - Exodus 3:14

All things ...

2007-03-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

28"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

New perspective being gained on good and purpose.

Finishing Strong ...

2007-03-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

I once started reading a book entitled Finishing Strong. Sadly, I never finished.

It is what separates those that are outstanding with the rest who are just average. It is the defining trait of those who realize their potential vs. those who don't. It is what makes some people successful, in contrast to those who are just ordinary.

It is the one thing that I am struggling with now. To know that God has done wonderful things, and to be tempted to just sit there and reflect (though that has its time) and give thanks for all that He has done in my life and around me for the last couple of years, while ignoring all that is going around me, it is getting tough. I never knew that some things would be so burdensome that I kind of want to let go now, and not be bothered with it anymore. Ironically, God has assured me that He is faithful and will take care of everything; and He is teaching me to let go, and to trust Him.

But at the same time, I am still here, and I know that He has called me to continue to be all that I can be. The last couple of weeks many circumstances and thoughts and attitudes have made this a tough endeavour, and I know now what it means to finish strong...or rather...what it SHOULD be like.

Nevertheless, I should be studying for my quiz tomorrow rather than blogging my aimless thoughts. I leave you with:

9"If a man is lazy, the rafters sag; if his hands are idle, the house leaks" - Ecclesiastes 10:18

God forbid I leave behind a leaky house...

Faithful One, So Unchanging

2007-02-24T21:34:00.000-08:00

It is very much cliché to say that God is faithful, but He is indeed faithful. It's sad that when things are going well, we take it for granted; but it's just as sad when the world is falling apart that we question it. And that is where I was, in part, a couple of weeks ago. I was plagued and downtrodden about all these different issues in fellowship, and I had no peace. I was exhausted and didn't know what to do; but I knew in my head that God was faithful, not in my heart.

It blows me away what a patient and grace-extending God we serve; if it was me, I would have given up on me a long time ago. But God hasn't given up, nor will he ever; and it is these reminders that are manifested in my friend's lives...in my own, and in this fellowship's that remind me that I need not worry, for God is indeed faithful. Again, it's sad that we take it for granted, but it is evermore infinitely wonderful that God has chosen to extend and remind us of His faithfulness, constantly. He is faithful, and He never tires of reminding us unfaithful and doubting creatures, that He is indeed, faithful.

9"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his convenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. - Deuteronomy 7:9

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands.

Oh Famaille

2007-02-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

Who are we?

2007-01-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

God has shown me a lot lately; but I don't feel I'll do justice to it if I let it all out in a misdirected stream-of-consciousness. There are truths and convictions that I am still trying to get straight in my feeble brain. After Urbana and recent events there has been much to be joyful about, and I will write more in an orderly way soon.

For now, a conversation with someone left me troubled for a bit. After thinking about it a little more, and consulting others, I came away encouraged. One does not need to know

8"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declares the LORD - Isaiah 55:8

For some reason that brings about with it a strange sense of comfort and peace. May you find that peace in Him today.

...

2006-12-15T17:16:00.000-08:00

Trust me...

Serving the New Way of the Spirit

2006-12-03T10:19:00.000-08:00

4So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. 5For when we were controlled by the sinful nature,^[a] the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. 6But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code. - Romans 7:4-6

For those of us who have grown up in church, we are very familiar with what Paul calls the "written code." Even before we were introduced to the saving grace of Jesus Christ, our parents probably at one point or another told us not to eat cookies before a meal, or something to that effect. We were introduced to moral obligations and the rules we were to follow if we were to have happy coexistence with the rest of society.

The trouble is, many times we as a church don't take deliberate steps to go beyond this simple truth. True, there are rules to follow, but as Paul has said, "we are no longer law ..." Talking to many Christians, we seem to be struggling over keeping all these things, and forgetting the freedom that Christ's sacrifice affords us.

True, sin is still an ugly thing; and true, temptation still manages to ensnare even the most devoted Christian. And true, we have to be on guard for the "lion" that prowls, waiting to "devour" us. BUT! We have been "released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit"! No longer are we as the Israelites were; serving out of obligation to appease a wrathful God; we have a relationship with Christ that is like no other, and is unlike anything that people had experienced before His ultimate sacrifice. And yet .. we still fret about keeping the rules? Are we not in a sense cheapening the price He paid...if we are still so hung up on the details?

I respect those who try to live a holy life; by God's strength. But I believe it is impossible to live a holy and wholly satisfied life without being in relationship with God. We can do all the things we are able to: serve, study the scriptures, stay pure before marriage, etc., but if we do all these things outside of a living and breathing relationship with Christ; we've missed the point.

It saddens me that we have such a blessing and joy that is found in our relationship with God, yet we tend often to focus on the dos and don'ts of Christian living. I'm all for no complacency and of course as Christians we have to strive to live in purity because we are representing Christ. But, all this stems out of our relationship with God and our love for Him; not the other way around. Sometimes, it feels like we have things backward.

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing
- How Can I Keep From Singing - Tomlin

Joy in the Morning

2006-11-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

4 Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.

5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

10 Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
O LORD, be my help."

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

- Psalm 30:4-5,10-12

A Holiday at the Sea

2006-11-16T10:47:00.000-08:00

A post by mel prompted me to think. An excerpt from Andrew Murray got me thinking:

"The enthusiasm of the kingdom is missing. And that is because there is so little enthusiasm for the King"

Why is there no enthusiasm for the King? Can we really face ourselves as a Christian church/community and admit to the fact that we've lost the apple of our eye? We often say and do things to spur each other to focus on Christ, but what does it really mean? Looking at my own life, I can say that I often settle for mediocrity instead of taking the high road that was meant for me. But the question comes around again, Why?

JP compares our plight as a child who chooses to play in the slums, when we are offered a holiday at the sea. To put it more in our terms, it's like being offered an all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii, and instead choosing to play in a junkyard. I think the question really isn't our choice, the question is whether we are actually informed when are making the decision. And I submit that we are not. This is not at all an excuse for not being excited for the King, but I think it plays in as a big factor of why we settle for mediocrity.

The simple fact is that many times we simply don't KNOW who God is, and who we are in relation to Him. In some sense it's like the child in the slums; he has no idea what a holiday at sea is, and the wonderful things that come from it. If anything, he merely knows that it may be wonderful. Without giving it a chance, the child will never experience the wonders and beauty that is the sea.

The same goes with us, though often I think it is more because we seem to have a really short memory. Looking throughout the old testament, we can see that Israel repeatedly runs away from God in spite of the way that He miraculously takes care of them. In the same way, we forget easily how God has changed our lives, and who He is. Without constantly reminding ourselves who God is, and without being captivated by him daily, we quickly forget.

So back to the point where I said that we aren't informed. This is quasi-true, but the crux of the matter lies in the the fact that we simply forget who God is. And without refreshing ourselves daily in His presence, it is easy to lose sight of who He is and that complete joy is found in Him.

Without coming to Him in constant prayer, devotion, relationship, we are almost guaranteed to quickly forget. Finally, though obvious, I would submit that the North American church has come and stood in awe at the foot of the world. Of fame, power, money; everything that the early church fought so hard to avoid. It is easy to see how coming before substitute idols made with the hollow charm of the world reduces our appetite for the word, and wastes the true worshippers that we were created to be. Our worship 'sapped', so to speak, by the things of this world. It is no wonder that when God asked for us, He asked for all of us; knowing that if we let but a sliver of ourselves to the world, that we could be easily consumed.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. - Deuteronomy 6:5

Desiring God

2006-11-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

At the risk of emphasizing one man's work as it relates to the work of God, I must say that John Piper's work has definitely had a noticeable impact on my life as of late. This is one of the reasons why I have chosen to come back after a long hiatus of not journaling my thoughts.

I'm sure you must've heard his famous quote, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him" (Piper, 2003) or something to that effect. As I've shared with many, God's mandate for me this 2006-07 year is to be able to find complete joy in Him. Albeit it has been a journey, but one man's thoughts (thanks jon) has prompted me to start to record my thoughts again.

It seems that this pursuit of joy in itself is a weird exercise, and something that is so foreign to the Christianity that many of us have been brought up with; but yet it is such a foundational and central theme of the gospel. It's a wonder how I could have missed it for so long.

I guess the first lesson that I have been learning is simply to understand what joy is, which naturally leads to the seeking out this aspect of God. Practically, this translates in making an effort to spend time with the Lord, and attending prayer meetings I can. I find that... life is very much placed into a sensible perspective when I enter the above frame of mind. It scares me often that I could be a Christian and yet retain cynacism and criticism of my own faith. True, upright justice is warranted at times, but there I don't believe that God requires all of his bearers of justice to constantly be crushed under the weight of the Church's unrighteous deeds sapping them of their joy.

So, it begins. This pursuit of joy. Footstop. Nothing comes after...it is simply the pursuit of God that consumes me. As Piper put it recently "there are no 'so thats' in joy", joy is simply joy. For example, husbands don't love their wives so that they will cook well, in the same way we pursue joy for joy. We pursue God for God. It is one in the same. Seems so simple, yet it can be so profound.